She's JV to your varsity
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
