OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Come share oat with me in your robe
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
