I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
