im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
