She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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