I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
