remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He passed out mid-signature
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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