She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
