somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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