On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
