i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
you had me at cake vodka
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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