just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
