Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So many bounce houses so little time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
