I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
