I wish I only lived at night.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
