Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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