I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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