I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
