I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
