Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it's like iHOP with fire
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
