Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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