I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
