come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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