I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
