After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
