I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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