I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
