i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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