the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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