I think I won the penis lottery.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
