i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
