Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
