Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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