allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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