Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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