Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
