A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So many bounce houses so little time
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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