I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
