i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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