I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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