i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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