When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
