I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
