I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
