is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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