If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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