I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
