just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
