$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
