Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
