sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
