girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
