Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
