I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
